To be a Man

Today i made option b. The 'right' option. But with a pinch of option 'a'. Seems to me that these options were not as clear cut as i put them.

Well.. option 'b' (with pinch of 'a') yielded rather strange results. It was both good and bad at the same time. Just as i feared, strife was inevitable. Fortunately, it wasn't too bad. Hmm. Today i feel pretty neutral again.. which is NOT a good sign. Mebbe its becoz i'm a little tired. And i'm in one of my thinking moods again. =)

Just thought of a question. Why is our world structured such that the arrow of time goes forward? Makes life so unpredictable. Haha.. silly question. Hmmm.

Life really is unpredictable... If only one could peer below the surface and see how it works.. It would save a lot of trouble. heh. well.. that was a classic response from the machine of the logical mind. I'm thinking that perhaps it is unpredictable to allow for the more emotional and spiritual aspects of human nature to surface. Nothing is ever as it seems and everything changes with each second. It really is an interesting phenomenon.

Yesterday night i asked God what path i should take. You know what he told me?

Be a man. Be the man.

Days of our Lives

In life, we are faced with many situations. And in these situations, we are faced with many choices.
When we make a choice, we try as best to make it such that it would be for the best possible result. However, a conundrum arises.. is the best possible result then the right one? It is a question which has been bugging me for quite a while now. If both possibilities are within your reach, which choice should you make? Or should one make a compromise? Or perhaps even no choice at all?

Well.. i've learnt that apathy leads nowhere. I made a decision never to be apathetic again, and it was a choice borne of the 'right' thing to do. Therefore, i would fight for everything that means something to me.

Which leaves me three options. Best, right, or compromise?

For the best situation, natural harmony would be achieved.
For the right situation, strife might occur, but it would be the proverbial 'right' thing to do.
For a compromise, harmony would be maintained, but only for an inscrutable time.

Well.. if i were to take a hard line on these choices..
The best option smacks of cowardice
The right option smacks of selfishness
and the compromise smacks of indecision.

So wad should it be?

Stayed tuned for more updates.. after these commercials. =P

Thanksgiving

Finally. It has ended. The pain and suffering has decided to take a sabbatical. For how long, well.. i don't really know. But for now.. life's simply a dream. The mounting pressure drew itself to a climax yesterday, and i'm glad to say that things have turned out pretty alright. For now. Suddenly, my mind is again clear, at least for this transient moment, without the accumulated weight of stress and worry steadily building up over the past year. Well.. i don't know if its appropriate to swear and thank God at the same time, but right now i must say i feel pretty damn good. Truly, I am blessed.

Thank you Lord.

For the sky and the sea
For the birds and the bees
For the winds and the breeze
For the flowers and the trees
For the clouds and the rain
For pleasure and pain
For night and the day
For tomorrow and today
For the Sun and the moon
For midnight and noon
For the stars up above
For the life upon the earth
and finally..
Thank you Lord for my friends
who have made me more than i am.

Story of a soul

A gentle stirring of the waters
Undercurrents of motion
Its calm belies
the raging within
Where oceans meet
and seas enjoin
the most tumultous
yet the tamest
The abyss is deep
yet the sky is deeper
Where there is darkness
light survives.
But where there is light
darkness dies.

..and confusion a state of mind

..when eyes start looking sidewards, fingers pointing at your back, and whispers rather than speech abound. When friends begin to suspect, and enemies begin to gather. Where a cloud of suspiscion hangs over your head and your vision impaired. This is the essence of confusion.

The human mind has a way of constructing its own sense of reality. Be it an accurate depiction of reality or not, a confused mind can never tell. Therefore, when one is confused, do not be quick to judge, and do not be brash in opinion. For in action and word one may hurt those nearest to him. Wait then, for confusion to pass, but before delusion can set in, before making your decision.


Dear Chenhong, this post was written as much to answer your question (why don't you have a comments page/tagboard/guestbook?!?!) as for my own self. Honesty might be the best policy. But not everyone is honest. =)

Fear is a condition of the heart

For the longest time, i have never been afraid of anything. Now i am suddenly afflicted with it. Fear is not a condition i am used to. Why have i suddenly become so afraid? Wad has happened that has suddenly penetrated my shield of invulnerability? I cannot understand. I don't understand. Fear has always been attributed to as one of man's weaknesses, a vestige of the brute before and the brute within. Living my life as a deeply logical thinker, i have never been exposed to fear of such a primal nature. I once read a book which taught me how to control my thoughts and my emotions. It said that when a person feels certain emotions, such as happiness, anger, joy, sadness, guilt, disappointement, even fear, one can first learn to control it by immersing oneself in the wholeness of the emotion, then slowly letting it go.. bit by bit. But fear of such a nature i have not experienced for such a long time has rendered it immensely difficult to place under control. Which is perhaps i decided to blog about this. Don't worry my friends, i am okay, just needed a place to get this weight off my chest. Blogging is remarkably therapeutic. Haha.. =)

Well.. i think things will turn out fine in the end. As always.


Cheerios people! =)

Chasing after the wind

Today was a strange day. Sometimes the most unexpected things can occur when one least expects it. But is it real? Or am i chasing after the wind? Well.. even if its the wind.. i'll still catch it. Because this time.. giving up is not an option.

I was kinda being rather holy the past coupla days and was scrutinizing Bible texts. In the texts was a section entitled Book of Wisdom, apparently written by King Solomon, wisest of all man. In this text he wrote about life and society in general, and how one should live a life. Being really wise and apparently fully in control of himself, he purposefully put himself through a series of tests, to learn more about the darker side of the human spirit. He indulged in vices of all kinds, from food to drink to women, and in the end came up with this conclusion. That all life, good or bad, saint or sinner, driven or idle, was merely an illusion, as futile as chasing after the wind. That really struck a deep chord with me, and i asked myself if life was really as he said, merely chasing after the wind. Being all wise and knowlegable, he would definitely be the foremost authority on this. But i reminded myself that Man is not merely a creature of intellect, but also endowed with a spirit. Hence, for all his wisdom, i think that King Solomon, though he be wisest of men, was wrong. Indeed, a logical mind might deduce the futility of chasing after the wind. But the spirit is not bounded by the finiteness of the mind. It will not only assert the possiblity of chasing after the wind, it WILL catch it in the end.

No doubt about it. Here i come.

Ass Kickin!

Wow.. its a record number of postings in a short period of time by me. Lolz... its not that i'm suddenly free or something... lets just say that my eyes have been opened. HAHAAHAH.. take a look at this!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzul4m-LSJI&search=snl

American Pi

This left me speechless. Knowing math majors really opens new
perspectives.


"Probably no symbol in mathematics has evoked as much mystery,
romanticism, misconception and human interest as the number pi."
--William L. Schaaf, Nature and History of Pi

According to the Wikipedia,

"March 14, written 3/14 in the USA date format, is the official day
for Pi day derived from the common three-digit approximation for the
number π: 3.14. It is usually celebrated at 1:59 PM (in recognition
of the six-digit approximation: 3.14159). Some, using a twenty-four-
hour clock rather than a twelve hour clock, say that 1:59 PM is
actually 13:59 and celebrate it at 1:59 AM instead. Parties have
been held by mathematics departments of various schools around the
world. This day has been celebrated in a variety of ways. Groups of
people, typically pi clubs, give thought to the role that the number
π has played in their lives and imagine the world without π. During
such an event, pi celebrants may devise alternative values for π,
eat pi (pie), play pi (piñata), or drink pi (piña colada)."

Some view Pi Day more like an excuse to celebrate something
mathematical. But Pi Day does provide a good opportunity for us to
remind ourselves about our long heritage of mathematical culture. So
regardless of how you are going to celebrate Pi Day, if at all, do
be proud of our great mathematical legacy and have a happy Pi Day!


Oh and in addition.. who sez math people are all geeks? Did you
know that Pi is equal to 3.14592653589.. but i digress. Lolz!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24HwbleM7vY



=)

Johari window

I'm pretty curious. If this window was apparently invented by two englishmen, why in the world is it called a Johari window? The last johari i met was my 5-tonner driver. But that's beside the point. Well.. help me get to know myself better will ya? At your own risk.. MUAHAHAHAHAH..

Just kidding.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=eugene_the_boogene

If being called a fool is what it takes, then let me be called a fool

Yeah.. so i havent been posting for quite a while. But that don't mean i don't read your blogs people. Well.. i think my torment will finally end at the end of the month. For better or for worse. So perhaps then i can start posting more coherent stuff rather than simply continuously whining about the tons of work i still have to do. Sorry if i have imposed this on any of my friends. I need to step back out into the light soon. And i will. I think Science is a life not suited for just anybody. These past few months in the lab have been a painful, albeit enlightening, experience. It has made me think a lot more than i would have than if i were to go through as a normal undergraduate just out for a degree. I have realised that the constant cliche about liking what you do is not just that, a cliche, but a pearl of wisdom not evident to the untempered. It has also made me wonder if this would be the path that i take, how long would i be able to mantain on its rocky and barren road? Singapore. Its society and its norms, do not reward those who take the narrow path. Do i still force my way through this thicket, when a straight and broad road beckons at my side? Even now, i feel the peeling away of the layers of morality and idealism. Like the skin of a leper. Even as i try to put these thoughts into words, the numbing of the senses have have moulded attempts at eloquent rhetoric to stuttering incoherence. How i long for the lustful artworks of the Renaissance and the polished wisdom refined through the bastions of truth and goodness and light., the philosophers, protectors of the soul of humankind, ever searching... I feel like a square peg in a round hole, incompatible with its surrouding medium but forced into it anyway. Don't get me wrong, i like science. i love the questions and the search for a simple yet profound answer. i love thinking about the ways the most fundamental enitites of our universe interact and how they might give rise to our reality. i love the poring over of great sources of information, absorbing their wisdom, wondering at the beauty of these works and the genius of the men who presented them to the world. But science, as i know it today, is a banal repetition of procedures and methods, to churn out printing press copies of what the 'authorities' have dared call the 'literature'. Where is the beauty, i ask? The wonder. The excitement. The joy of knowledge. The love of wisdom?? It is dying.. like a flickering flame in the blizzard of self-interest and self-preservation. It saddens me to see the fruits of our labour turned towards selfish interests. I know that there are many kindred spirits out there, who share this view of the world, my teachers, my friends, the random taxi uncle who likes to talk about the gahmen, the cleaning aunty... Education, if not, higher education, has now become more a commodity than a dissemination of knowldge and the refinement of the human spirit. I am disappointed and disillusioned. So many like me. But yet so unlike. How many are willing to fight this, and yet again how many have the means to? If i take up this fight, who will join me?