If being called a fool is what it takes, then let me be called a fool

Yeah.. so i havent been posting for quite a while. But that don't mean i don't read your blogs people. Well.. i think my torment will finally end at the end of the month. For better or for worse. So perhaps then i can start posting more coherent stuff rather than simply continuously whining about the tons of work i still have to do. Sorry if i have imposed this on any of my friends. I need to step back out into the light soon. And i will. I think Science is a life not suited for just anybody. These past few months in the lab have been a painful, albeit enlightening, experience. It has made me think a lot more than i would have than if i were to go through as a normal undergraduate just out for a degree. I have realised that the constant cliche about liking what you do is not just that, a cliche, but a pearl of wisdom not evident to the untempered. It has also made me wonder if this would be the path that i take, how long would i be able to mantain on its rocky and barren road? Singapore. Its society and its norms, do not reward those who take the narrow path. Do i still force my way through this thicket, when a straight and broad road beckons at my side? Even now, i feel the peeling away of the layers of morality and idealism. Like the skin of a leper. Even as i try to put these thoughts into words, the numbing of the senses have have moulded attempts at eloquent rhetoric to stuttering incoherence. How i long for the lustful artworks of the Renaissance and the polished wisdom refined through the bastions of truth and goodness and light., the philosophers, protectors of the soul of humankind, ever searching... I feel like a square peg in a round hole, incompatible with its surrouding medium but forced into it anyway. Don't get me wrong, i like science. i love the questions and the search for a simple yet profound answer. i love thinking about the ways the most fundamental enitites of our universe interact and how they might give rise to our reality. i love the poring over of great sources of information, absorbing their wisdom, wondering at the beauty of these works and the genius of the men who presented them to the world. But science, as i know it today, is a banal repetition of procedures and methods, to churn out printing press copies of what the 'authorities' have dared call the 'literature'. Where is the beauty, i ask? The wonder. The excitement. The joy of knowledge. The love of wisdom?? It is dying.. like a flickering flame in the blizzard of self-interest and self-preservation. It saddens me to see the fruits of our labour turned towards selfish interests. I know that there are many kindred spirits out there, who share this view of the world, my teachers, my friends, the random taxi uncle who likes to talk about the gahmen, the cleaning aunty... Education, if not, higher education, has now become more a commodity than a dissemination of knowldge and the refinement of the human spirit. I am disappointed and disillusioned. So many like me. But yet so unlike. How many are willing to fight this, and yet again how many have the means to? If i take up this fight, who will join me?