He's got the whole world in his hands

Today, something happened which neednt have, but did anyway. Should i question why it happened? I was very happy that it happened though. Is it God's hand? Heh. I really do think so. The probability of this occurence was something exceeding my wildest expectations. But it happened anyway. I think i did what i should, and am contented with what i have done. Only one thing i lament though, that the time of its happenstance was so transient.

When nothing exists without, could something thus exist within?

Perhaps, perhaps. And perhaps yet again.

I would have liked to theorise how such improbabilities might occur, but am too in awe to even attempt to do so. To those people who categorically deny that such things could happen, i can only reply "Oh yes they do."

What is Truth?

I have the answer.



But unfortunately.. i'm not going to tell you just yet.




=)

Reflections

Well.. after i posted.. i was in a somewhat pensive mood and decided to go on a tour of blogs of people i knew, flitting from one blog to another, from people I knew well, to people I knew and to people i hardly knew at all. Somehow.. there seems to be a common trend in all the blogs i've seen. Everyone seems to be suffering. The inner torment is evident in the strong emotions that line their entries. These differ so greatly from the usual fare i have grown somewhat accustomed to that i was moved to write this entry. The heartwrenching lamentations of those lonely souls were really too much to bear.. It is such a strange thing... considering this group of people know each other and see each other almost every other day. Why then do they feel such an intense pang of loneliness and isolation, of a level of such sharp contrast to their daily behaviour????? Dammit. I don't understand. Perhaps i've been too emotionally protected to understand.. but one thing i know is that these things should never be allowed to happen!! No one should ever have to be alone! I will do what i can, and i will do what i must, but if i cant even understand them, how can i help them??


God grant me the Strength to walk the path
Wisdom to know the way
And Faith to keep to it.

Equilibrium State

Finally things have come to this.. the equilibrium state. However one might put it, neutral point, stalemate, deadlock, this is the immortal game in its entirety. Only when both sides remain passive can the equilibrium be mantained, any move would bring the demise of the one that moves first, and also to the detriment to the one that does not, for although in theory the one that remains passive wins the game first, but both are losers when one considers the destruction of infinitely refined beauty crystallised in the equilibrium state, where both are winners. Just as an addendum, the immortal game is a famous stalemate in chess. =)

So then, how might one resolve this? Logically thinking, there are 3 choices.

1. Make a move and lose

2. Wait for opponent to move and win

3. Offer a draw

The most observable difference between chess and real life is that in chess, the players take turns to move. So in the equilibrium state, the player whose turn unfortunately falls within that state is forced to make the move and break the equilibrium state, and lose the game. In real life however, such a rule does not apply, so the equilibrium state could be broken by any player. The similarity between both examples is that the game could proceed on indefinitely as long as no move is made. In chess, a time limit for each game is usually specified to avoid such a scenario, and hence to decide an ultimate winner. In real life too, there's a time limit, enforced not by a tangible timepiece as in chess, but of something else. But since we aren't immortal, playing a waiting game is not possible indefinitely. Hence, the perfect solution to the problem, both to mantain the beauty of the equilbrium state, as well as for the benefit of both players, would hence be to forsake the game.. and begin a different one.

Forever's too long to wait.

Making of a Man

Faith is his armor
and Courage his shield
On his forehead seats Wisdom
Truth is his spear
and Love is his sword
Humility he wears around his loins
On his feet are Steadfastness and Haste
And on his shoulders he wears Peace as a cloak.

Interval

Its one of those times again. Where i seem to have absolutely nothing to do. Not that there isnt anything, but nothing really consequential really. Now seems to be the period where everyone is scuttling around, trying to rush reports, term papers and also to mug for the upcoming final exams. But its the very same period where i feel the most free and unhassled. Guess i'm pretty out of sync with the rest of the NUS population. Sigh. Or perhaps all that shit i put myself through has paid off somehow, in desensitizing me to lesser hardships. Well.. if it has, then i have achieved my initial objective. But greater challenges await me in the coming year, and even further on this path that i have chosen. Hopefully all this training i have put myself through is sufficient for me to tide through these obstacles, which are but minor compared to the final mountain i know i must climb in the far distant future.

Option A

Well.. i decided to be slightly more.. hmm how should i put it.. docile? passive? unselfish? hahah today and try Option A. The result was as predicted, harmony was the result. But it was bad for me. It was as if i tied up my own hands and jumped into a lava filled pit where the only way out was to climb. Hurting is bad enough, and not being able to do anything about it is worse, but the fact that it is self inflicted must make me the dumbest person on earth. Truly, this option defies logic, but its consequence only applies to me, as it brings greater good to my surroundings. It totally goes against the grain of my nature. Does it mean i'm naturally selfish? Yeah sure it does. I admit that freely and openly. But it is also due to my unquenchable need to fight for everything that means something to me. When i find something worth fighting for, i stick with it to the end, no matter the cost, and no matter what other people might say or think. Well.. perhaps i'm just an obstinate pig who lets passion cloud the truth. Hahaha..

In any case, I really don't know how long i can endure Option A. It was a choice I made once before, and man did i suffer for it. But this is where uncertainty steps in. Will history repeat itself? Or was that just due to circumstance?

But perhaps once again i have let passion cloud the truth and all this thought is for naught? The unpredictable world is such an interesting place! =)