A Matter of Choice

Sometimes it takes something extraordinary for you to appreciate the ordinary. There are many many things which i have taken for granted, and i do sincerely regret doing so. Always the tendency to stray. Even when a path has been set, somehow i always find a way to stray from it. From no compulsion of external force whatsoever, but a conscious internal choice. Why? I wonder. Will i find an answer that is true? That is not simply an excuse to justify my actions? Pathetic. If i cant even exercise self restraint over my thoughts, words and deeds, then i am just pathetic. Weak. Incapable of things beyond my self. I have been found guilty many many times, with myself as judge, jury and executioner. But everytime i plan to follow the right path, i find myself straying. Not a simple or gradual deviation from a straight path, but one completely tangential, random and unplanned. But the cycle continues.

The Intention governs the course of action, and more fundamentally, the rightness or wrongness of an action, no matter the action itself. Wisdom is one guide of intent, and yet delusion is another. Then again, greed and sheer stupidity are yet others. And even with the fear of falling, i willingly fall, not because i want to, but that i made a choice to. And yet, fallen, i seek to climb back up again. And round and round the circle goes. Reason on one hand, and faith on the other. But yet wisdom is nowhere in sight. And there is no principle of equivalence. However long one spends moving forward, it takes only one move to go backwards again. And yet, despite the futility of it all, we still press forward. I still press forward. How many times will this happen again? That's a matter of choice truly.